Being a father

Being a father to a hyperactive toddler is so surreal. It’s a different feeling, very different from what you’ve had all your life. The thought of putting a little diva before you for everything, the fiery desire to give her best of everything makes me go work harder and think about unthinkable stuff about couple of years ago.

Keeping her safe, keeping her away from common stuff that leads to sickness, providing best opportunities to learn, grow and excel. That’s the ultimate motive and objective that drives me day in and day out. 

When you are tired after a hectic day of driving, work, bickering on social media, tensions of supporting your team in the cricket world cup and keeping nose up in the family affairs, a sight of her makes you refresh and forget all the worries, troubles of life. One wish from her to be in my arms or play with her or do a peek-a-boo melts me. And I try to be the best I can for her.  

I have fought with some close people, altered relationships, taken confrontations with family on either sides when the beliefs to upbring her clashed. I want to do it my way, irrespective of any pressure, irrespective of any specific style or culture. We live in a foreign land, we have her born in this land, we are raising her here, so for sure the rules, values from here will be embedded. The culture back home, the values back home are important too, but the culture of land we are in should take precedence. We don’t want to be outcasts or come across as different from the rest in terms of usual stuff parents do for their children here.

We’ve come across so many new parents in last 2 years. We have seen pros, cons of their deliveries, place of their deliveries, their choices, our choices, the help they got, the help we got, the things they do, the things we do.  In the hindsight of all, I don’t mince words in saying that we have been doing a very good job as parents. We have been protective, we have been very caring, we have sat down and discussed the way we want to upbring her, plan out the activities and funds for her and such mundane stuff. 

There is always  a pressure on every parent to raise a child the way their parents did. I am not fond of this idea at all. The situations back then were different, the situations now are different, the technology plays a huge role today in everything we do and raising a girl is no different. The gadgets are here to stay and we have to use them. Of course, the time has to be limited so that the kids get some time to learn things from natural environment, play the toys and explore, grasp etc etc.  There are poems, songs, toys, apps for toddlers, they help us, they don’t distract us.  Sometimes the old generation isn’t able to make sense out of it, but then my job is to make them understand to a limit. 

The toddlers back in India get a better environment than here in terms of number of people in family. There are family members, extended family members, friends and then there are grandparents. We don’t have such luxury here all the time. The weather here keeps us house arrested for almost half a year.  The grandparents make a trip here once in 2 years and we go visit our country once in 2-3 years. So that puts our toddlers at a little disadvantage here. But we try to make up for it by talking to our kids, taking them out for play in play yards, ,malls with designated play areas for kids, bounce towns, playgroups etc. This is something which is missing in India. Or if it is there, I am unaware of it. 

2012

2012 was a landmark year for me. Of course us. We moved places, changed our home, started photography, spent a lot on travel, photographic gear, ate outside a lot and of course the biggest of all, traveled to India for my little sister's wedding.

I developed love for small babies and that was done possible by my nephew born to my wife's sister. We traveled to St Louis, MO to see the newborn baby and the grandparents - in - law. Holding the newborn baby in the hands was such a delicate experience. Actually life changing one. All through this time, I had stayed away from babies and vice-versa. Babies did not like my face except one another nephew who is 7 now. 

So I was apprehensive when I first took him in my hands. And boy it was a divine experience.  I had just got into the photography and it was a very good opportunity for me to snap him and also provide the new parents a very good collection of their baby snaps. 

My perception about the babies changed and I started loving them with a pre-condition that they should come to me and not cry when they see me. So I thought may be when I'd next see the kid, I'd get a real idea if the baby liked my face. 

And later down in September when he and my wife's sister in law traveled to us in Omaha, he just loved me. I enjoyed playing him, cooing him, cuddling him and singing lullabies to him. I also taught him a way to how to stand and I gave him an addiction of laptop / keyboard to play around (something for which I get a flak for even today).

Travel

2012 was also a travel time for us. We covered more than 6000 miles on the road with the rental cars, my own car and more than 20000 miles in air through flights. Denver, St Louis, Chicago, SFO and Los Angeles were the cities we traveled, not to mention the small neighboring towns in Nebraska in pursuit of good photographs. 

Hotels, cars and flight bookings became norm. The biggest travel we made was to the "homeland" in India for my sister's wedding. India changed tremendously in 28 months I have been away from it. Some for good, some for bad, thats part of another blog post.  Wedding was tremendous experience and of course the trip was hectic. 

Relocation

By the year end we had left Nebraska to be in another location and this time it was southbound to Dallas, Texas. It's good to be a cowboy, away from the sub zero temperatures of Maryland and Nebraska. This was our 4th location change in 3 years being together. 

Pune to Baltimore to Omaha and now in Dallas.

2013 holds quite a few important things. Quite a lot of it I have already covered in another post. And the most important resolution is to keep writing regularly. 

Once again wishing a very happy new year 2013 to the readers of this blog, which is now open for "Anybody".

Looking ahead to 2013

2013 needs a fresh outlook and a revisit to the wrongs happening in my life. It is time to fix the things in career, personal life and of course to make it big. If ever I had to make big in the life, this is the time to make it big. Save lot of money, make bold career moves that'd earn fast track progression and expand the family. I cannot harp or get disappointed when things dont pan out the way I planned  them or the way I wanted them to play out. It is time to have some patience in every thing.

Have patience with people at home, at work, every where.

This is the year when I have to get rid of negativity that has crept up in my thinking, make it big in my career and also make it big in photography. 

So let us see how 2013 pans out for me.

Tidbits of 2012

A visit to this blog after 9 months and I find a lot of blogs in my reader list are private. A lot of changes have happened since then. The anniversary post was the last one. I am still in the same company, but I have switched cities now. From barren Omaha to much happening Dallas in southern Texas.

 

If Omaha was having lot of South Indians, then Dallas has Indians from all over India (good to hear Hindi).  Moving to a new city is never easy. Need to wind up from the old city and pack everything. Then dump a lot of things even if you don't want to. But still to accommodate in 1 big bag and avoid giving extra money to the airline, you got to dump a lot of stuff.  Close out and then in new city open the new accounts again. Its tough, trust me.

 

We have now moved 4 cities in close to 3 years of our marriage. Pune, India to Owings Mills, MD to Omaha, NE and now in Dallas, TX.  7 years in Pune and now 3 cities in 3 years. I got bored of Omaha as in there were no attractions. And 2012 has been a year of travel. Every 2 months when we felt there is nothing much to do, we have hopped on to a flight or got onto a car and travelled. Snapped lot of photographs, stayed in lot of hotels, got so many airline points in terms of miles travelled, invested in lot of photographic equipments.

 

Travelled  to India, then back here, then 3 trips  to California and not to forget St Louis to visit our new born nephew Addu. He then visited us in September and we were so charmed with him. Kids make you so happy!!!

 

I started photography this year and when I was not working and travelling, I was photographing. Hopefully I maintain the vigor, zeal to continue writing. My writing skills have been on wane. Especially non-cricketing stuff.  Writing was first thing I felt proud of myself and so in coming days I hope to continue writing. Good comments shall make it even more motivating.

Return to blogging

Blogging after ages. Long time. 5 months. Time since I left Infosys, I joined Cognizant.  A lot has changed. Lot of gadgets are in house, new hobbies, new people, gotten rid of some shitheads, met new shitheads probably that nullifies the earlier riddance. 

Good to see a lot of bloggers getting hooked finally, the habit of blogging seems long forgotten. Writing a post, waiting for comments, reading blogs in your reading list and commenting, waiting for the responses on those comments seemed a thing of past. 

But then you can take writing out of a writer, but you cannot take writer out of writing. Lame duck analogy, but blogging is something which has been missed all this while. Precise 2 years since I left active blogging and resorted to sporadic blogging, but that's suffocating. 

Thoughts need to flow out, else they bottle within and they hamper you. Reason for returning (nth attempt) is one of those moments when nobody around you seems to understand better, then the best way to vent out is this editor post in blogger.com window.  

Living in Omaha, NE is tough. The city is deserted, there are no good places to visit except few which are already visited. We completed 2 years of marriage last Thursday and I worked from home to celebrate the anniversary. Did all the gift exchanges and then in evening decided to go car hopping to some good places (believed then that they exist), but they didnt.  The downtown was lonely and we got pissed off seeing no visitor attractions in the city. Ended up finally going in temple and a silent, quiet dinner in Tandoori Fusion, a desi restaurant.

Have started with the new hobby of landscape, portrait photography and had got  a DSLR in December and week before anniversary got hold of 2 lenses for the same. Learning phase, but good one. Good timepass and today got a boxed set of Digital Photography books by Scott Kelby. This should be an interesting venture. And if the shots come out good, would post few on this blog or would start a new photo blog. 

For a start have a look @ this one:

Hope to see this blogging stint last longer....

And would find out the old bloggers, new ones too

End of times in Infosys

Its the end of an era in my professional life tomorrow. I sign off from Infosys after an eventful, tumultuous period in last 4 years on Monday. 9/19 marks an end of the times when I walk off the company which refused to give me the due I owned in lieu of the blood and sweat I gave to the company, helped them deliver so many projects, got the lacs of US dollars and in the end I got to go with an open mind.

When I joined Infosys in October 2007, I was excited to be part of it as I had always wanted to be part of it. I had heard of stories when people got cash rich bonuses or even some rewards whenever organization attained a milestone. But when I joined and spent 47 months in the organization, I came to know that the glittering gold outside is even worse than a burnt coal, worse even than ashes.

They've got some real skewed appraisal process, some coterie of people who take decisions far away from the ground realities, they continue to live in denial, they misuse the power they've got in the Indian IT industry. They are bunch of people who believe more in perceptions, image building and ignoring the facts. They've got a bunch of fat asses who refuse to acknowledge the existence of people. They've got some real nasty policies which basically leaves you feeling worse working here. They've got superb buildings in all their Development Centers, all down South, they've got some skewed numbers to show the world they are a very ethical and a very good IT company, but instead they've got some idiot dickheads in the management who feel they can rule the world. 

Such companies who are built on crappy ethics are  bound to downfall. And for them the downfall has already begun. 

I remember how badly I was treated in those dark days of 2008 - 09 when the project I worked in was screwed. The onsite managers used to openly swear in the calls, the offshore management of the same account was out to get me thrown out of company. I managed to battle all of that and I am happy that I am walking out of the company on my terms. 

I feel relieved, I feel I am wiping out a  dark and painful era of my life. Last few months were spent desparately looking out for a change and though it didnt come very smooth, but when it came, its giving me a chance to forget the past, learn from it and move on. I remember those hours spent in the office cubicle working in skewed projects and at the end of it getting a very poor feedback. I remember having missed out on attending my Dad's catract operation in March 2009, missed out on attending wedding functions of my friends and family members, I remember how I had missed out on being myself working here in this bullshit organization. 

Its a fresh start for me, its a new life that begins for me very soon with all painful times wiped out. Its gonna be a new lease of life, its gonna be a new times, its gonna be a good myself, a new me, a new inner self and an exterior me.

Quake & Irene

A quake of intensity 5.9 on Tuesday and now Irene is making a bit of life difficult here in East Coast this week. Irene is ensuring that there is heavy rainfall and gutsy winds 40-50 mph in the entire east coast right from Carolinas to the North east part of the country. 

Weather has been very bad and poor this weekend and would be continuing till Sunday evening. We are prepared to face it in way we best could. Though Owings Mills doesnt come directly in the core path of the hurricane, but still its just 100 odd miles from Chesapake Bay or Ocean city which have been evacuated. 

Earthquake of tuesday was a surprise element for all of us here. The office buildings were evacuated and only after post inspections deemed buildings safe, we were allowed to return back to the office. I was out driving to the office when the tremors came, so didnt feel the shocks, but my wife ran for safety after she comprehended that it was a quake. The cell phones were jammed and it took hours to restore the normalcy. 

All in all a tough week weatherwise, but a good one given the job search almost ended with a success. That however later.

Wordless

My hopes for job switch ended brutally this week with both companies with whom I had last stage of process pending ditching. 

Frustrating thing is that I clear every interview, but at the end either the opportunity goes on hold or the client is too late to decide. They call me saying they would consider me for future opportunities. They do call but everytime same thing happens. 

No wonder the 2 companies here are desi ones.

Feeling wordless but not worthless.

The context of 66th Indian Independence day

66th Independence day is around the corner for India and its been one of the most gloomiest ever. Corruption, terror, dictatorship from the government, disappointments on sports front and a lot other factors being the responsible factors for this. 

My 2nd Independence day outside India in 3 years and a day when I feel a little less attached to India than ever I did in all of my life. India now means negativity, soft nation and a soft target of every terrorist in the world. Corruption rules the roost in the country, the scamsters are rulers, people are making millions, select few of course. Poor farmers are being killed, the right to protest against the government is being trounced in so called largest democracy of the world. So whats the point in being proud of being an Indian?

The only attachment I feel with India is that my family is still in India. Besides that, I dont see any attachment now with that country. Open any newspaper or site from India and all you see loot, scams, murders, terror attacks and inability of the government to hunt down the protagonists behind this blasts.

Those patriotic songs of 60s and 70s now hold significance only twice an year on 26th Jan and 15th Aug. The rest of the year, it doesnt hold any significance.  What did India do to punish the culprits of 11/26, 7/11, 7/13, 7/25, 7/26, 9/13 ?

On the name of votebank politics, the real masterminds of attacks are let go free. The likes of Digvijay Singh, who are no good than a street dog are roaming around with their nasty opinions destroying the secular fabric of the country. Disturbing the harmony of the foundation of that country, built by lot of folks with their blood and sweat.  Which day you'd see an attack in any part of country, you wont know. You wont know if you'd be safe within your country. Whats the use of celebrating Independence day in such scenario?

Its more of celebrating the Congress icons -- Nehrus, Gandhis and those Congressmen who so called fought for the country and laid their lives. But aint we today reaping what they sown? Aint today's problems result of the bigoted policies they made in 50s and 60s ? Reservation, votebank politics and stuff like that ?

The real Independence day shall loom around when we'd get rid of corruption, Islamic terror, votebank politics, bigot headed politicos and of course we would then boast of being a real Independent country. Till then we are just slaves to Desi monsters laid to birth by Congress's forefathers.

Shitload from Cogni

Exhausting day today. One of my crucial projects and one of the best I worked in and handled, went for Testing today. It was tough and tense day today. The build up for most part of the day was very cool and had no issues, but when deployment happened, I had to deal with some real jerks and lampoons.  Challenged for understanding and challenged for common sense. They pretend not to understand or they are really mentally challenged guys. 

Had to endure a  real tough time making them understand the issue in the deployment, though in the end everything turned out to be good. I came home and this guy BR wanted me to stay back in the office. When I can work  from home, why stay in the office. 

But the real stunner came from the company who is seeming to be on a positive growth spree and is now # 3 in Indian IT world. But it just lacks common sense and professionalism to handle recruitment. I was supposed to get an offer letter today,  but something changed and they called me saying that they have some doubts over my commitment. Goddamn, that's ridiculous. 4 years in a single company isnt a joke after having gone through all shit and crap here. 

Account manager says we roll out an offer, his sub-ordinate and HR says wait till you get a suitable opportunity. Am continuing to face delays in getting one good offer. Frustrating thing is I am clearing every step. All interviews cleared, technical stuff, HR stuff. Managerial interview, everything cleared. But when it comes down to roll out the offer, they suddenly feel I am not best fit. When ? When all shitload of interviews are done, all evaluation is being done and they suddenly feel I am not best fit. Just hours before they call back and say Boss you are very good technically and we'd want you onboard soon.

Dont know when this round is going to end. Worse part of it all is the financial loss i would endure. My lease expires in 2 weeks and based on yesterday's call with the account manager, I extended my lease till the end of this month by paying 200 bucks more than what I usually do for my monthly rent. And at the end of it, due to the reason I did, I get to know this is not at all needed.

If I shift to another apartment and sign a 3 month lease and I have to move in within 3 weeks, then I'd end up breaking lease and pay the fine out of my pocket. Cognizant then wont be around to take cognizance of that fact. My history with Cognizant in past hasnt been very good and that seems to just repeating itself all over again now. They selected me 3 times and every time in the past they selected me, they didnt send an offer letter to me and based on vocal conversation, they want me to join them.....

And they are all set to pip Infosys from the 2nd spot.

Delays in the change

My life is hardly dull or boring. At any given point of time there is always some or the other action going on. Be it a tussle with the boss or an offshore team or a tussle with the HRs and the interview managers of the couple of companies, I am trying to join now for last 4 months. 

Somehow something or the other factor keeps my life interesting with the delays and it often incurs frustration for me. Somehow I dont find a reason why there should be a delay in rolling out the offer for me if i have cleared all interviews. 

Starting all over again for a new interview is very painful process and even more painful is the attempt to get to that HR or manager who is incharge. When they have to schedule an interview, they'd call you many times, but when it comes down to the feedback, they dont pick their phones. 

Its already close to a year being in USA and almost same time away from the blogs. I have travelled to many places like Washington DC, Seattle, New York, Virginia etc and have enjoyed touring places alongside my pretty cute wife whom I call Tofu.

Many more tours warrant in the next few months, but only after the supposed move. I am due to vacate the apartment in next 2 weeks or so, and so I am trying to get an offer soon and move directly to the other state wherever the new job would take me, but thats looking more and more difficult now. Dont want to move to another apartment and break lease in just few weeks or a month or so. 

More desparate I get, tougher it becomes for me to get what I want. And perhaps that sickens me even more. I feel I get a raw deal when it comes to job changes in last few yrs. Havent changed a job in 45 months now and even when I came to Infosys, I had similar frustrating experiences for 3 months before 1 day when a call from Infy HR sealed the change from Kanbay to Infy. Hoping a similar call would do the trick now for me very soon than later.

Misfit Me

The hurt feeling, the hurt locker, the feelings you have caged for years make a comeback in a flash when you are misunderstood. Carrying a tag of being the most understood (mis) person in the world isnt easy thing to do. It always sucks when you are misunderstood by your own people, who are part of your innermost circle, the most closest persons any one can be. You feel terrible, you feel horrible and you feel like going to a shell. 

And all of this on a thing which every time in my case is blown out of proportion always. I am a master of controversies, anything I say or i do is always misunderstood. Always. No matter what point of time it is, no matter when it is. No matter which part you are in the world. Controversies and  misunderstandings always follow me.

The entire framework of the social relations in India is skewed one. It requires you to be politically correct always,  speaking your mind always lands you in the trouble. Doesnt matter whom you speak your mind, the drama that follows leaves you hollow and horrible. You feel horrible. Being politically correct is the thing of the present. Being rationale, fact based and sane is something that is non Indian. You got to be worshipping the other side of the fence who join hands to marry..Especially if you are from girl's family. Stand every legal / illegal demand from groom's side. Fulfill every expectation they have, that's worst part of society like India has from eons of ages and centuries. 

No wonder I am such a misfit and such a character who is not wanted around when it comes to the marriages and stuff like that. I dont stand the age old traditions which have to be followed, which should have adhered to. Skewed traditions. And if you dont follow those, you are not in. You are stubborn, you are idiot, you are goddamn adamant..

Welcome Sam to the world of the blogs again.  Short of my usual best, but I see the time when I would be near to the best I have been for my blogs.

Comeback

Its been a year that I made a serious post on my non cricketing blog. I attempted to make a lot of comebacks limited to few days and few posts. But all of them failed. Most of them were limited to rants out of tough days in the office.  The motivation, zing was lost and there was nothing left to write. 

However after a year almost, I feel the time is ripe to write again. I dont know what I would write. May be for few days it shall be a struggle. May be for few days it would be reposts of some old classics. 

May be National Blog Posting Month shall help.

Hope this time, I am able to sustain the zeal and passion to write for long time to come. A lot has changed since the last post was made. We have  relocated again, made a lot of purchases, went through a lot of ordeal and what not. All of this, I shall share in the days ahead to come.

Flavor

Only thing I have to write now on the blog is how well we live the life and how deep do we love each other. Thats the only flavor on this blog. Right now. For now.

S has suddenly made life charming and dazzled with excitement added with the tadka of luv.....

Surreal and sweet.

Love never felt so delcious and surreal as it is being now. Its complicated but nice.

House on fire!!

Its just 2 weeks after getting married and we have hit awesome chemistry.  I would use word perfect. Just one small fight aside, the things are fantastic.

Touchwood.

This is very surreal and sweet.  Nice and uncomplicated.

Right person is very important. And she is the one for me. I say so. I can say we have made a flying start. We had stupendous times in Himachal even after cancelling out the Chandigarh leg of our trip and instead travelling to Gurgaon to be with my cousin and his wife for our first Holi together. It was their first holi together too in India post their marriage. Had super times there.

Touchwood.

They'd say this is honeymoon period and this is the start of the times together. But I have got rave reviews for us together. Snaps on facebook say so, offline comments say so too.

I am sure when we start our normalised lives from this Monday when I resume office, the passion and the zeal would be same as it is now for the last 16 days of the life.

We are glad that we found each other this point of time and we are amazed to have hit awesome chemistry right from day 1. Like house on fire. Touchwood and let this fire blaze even stronger.

Terror strikes again (if)

It seems that the terror has struck the country again, this time in Pune.  Suspected terror attack has led to few casualties and injuries in the suspected blast.

The security agencies have been caught napping, the entire state machinery was busy in getting a movie released and outscoring the dumwitted right wing party.

he terror has hit the city, I work in and thats scary if thats a terror blast of course.

This blast has going to have long term prospects in the city of Pune. This also means we have also got to be careful while going to crowded places like multiplexes and malls.  Swine flu and now terror, the city of Pune is now getting to be a city to be wary of and be a bit on the toes. You never know what.

I am no more in Pune right now and for 3 weeks going to be away from it. 

Is that a blast from IM ? Is it rejuvenated after the hibernation of more than year and half.

This also reminds us that there is a strong need to punish the forces responsible for 11/26 right away and send a very strong message to the people responsible for terror attacks in the country all over the years. Perhaps its time to be strong against this elements despite whatsoever religion they come from and rise over the petty vote bank politics. Better the government does it, better for the country and its hapless people who just sees its elected leaders fight over a petty statement on a country players playing in IPL.

Run up to the big day

The Blogging has taken backmost seat in the priorities of the life right now. This has been a tough week where in I had to cope with something very unexpected at personal level and also ensure that the big day goes off well. The day has already been postponed once while being in Middletown all for the project dates and in a bid to stay onsite. 

Its just 4 days from now and then the life changes in the sense that :

• Independence alters, I wont say I would lose it or end it. Someway or the other a lot of things would change. 
• I would have somebody to whom I can dedicate my pangs of romantic poems and cheesy 4-5 liners inspired from those awesome scenes.
• I'd have somebody to accompany me to the movies and the travel spree I have, but restraint till the time.

And many more changes that happen, but I would not be like the typical married men and she wont be the one like typical married women. 

We've our own plans to take the life we want it to be and we would make every effort to ensure we succeed here..The travel plans as in for the honeymoon are laid out and its in the land of snow and chilled cold just to acclimatise her to the cold weather she is going to face in her first country travel outside India.

Life has been pretty hectic in last month or so. Office front has been going good, I complete one more project today, 5th overall here in Infosys.  This has been a good project experience and first one with no expression of emotions on the workplace. I have been working hard to make myself count relevant in the daily life of Infosys and this project would further add brownie points in a journey of making a comeback after the fiasoc of last April, the tremors of which are still being filled.

Buzz is out and I am on over it.  

Thanks to all the readers who have been reading me even after the brain freeze of last week.  

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Post was leading to a war, so removed.

Thanks for the couple of advices. Cognizance taken. Need to get  a life. Who gives it ? Any idea ?

Word would have spread around, awesome!!

Blog book and Jitters

Life seldom gives you second chance and if you are smart enough then you grab the second one with more than full hands.

I get married in 2 weeks time and in a gift to myself for that I m getting my book published. Book of blog posts of this awesome blog. It has to be kept secret.  If she unearths it, I would be prone to questions and I wont be doing that.

I have been writing this blog since Oct 2008, good 16 months now being here.  Rants, frustrations and desparations all have been the part of the posts here. And if somebody new in my life has a glance at it, then she is not going to be too comfortable with it.

A book has always been an idea never dwelt into. Actually i dont have required patience and time to write it. Office takes most of time of mine and then back home, I am exhausted. So where is the time to book a write ? Actually since my stint @ Middletown, I m being a bit reluctant and lazy to write here except the frustrations and confusions getting to a relationship. However thats going to change soon with me settling down in the new life with a person heads and heels over me.

PS : I know this is start of something unknown, we love each other and would do so for the rest but we never know what could transpire in her mind. Yet we would wish to overcome whatever hurdles come in the way.