Work

Being expressive is always the key for good relationship and healthy relationship. It keeps the zing alive. If the relationship is to last long, you got to tell your partner what you feel. Expecting he would be a mind reader is a recipe for disaster.

Scary.

I have been head over heels for the work i am doing. Challenging and time bound. Thats been the story of the year. One year on, the horrific project began in 2008 and it almost made me lose my job.

The manager in that project who before coming in the project (Bharsu Timma, referred on this blog) had an eye surgery and doctors owed it to the relentless work pressure he had. Being a meek and unassertive he took everything in stride and ended up in a hole when he had a break down. He ought to have spoken. Its like if you have good health, you have everything.

He didnt speak. I spoke cos I couldnt take the pressure which was just ridiculous.

This project has been good, i learnt new things and I put my reputation on hold back to the track when they said I could not communicate with the client.

Offshore remains a nagging problem, but then thats something which got to live with.

Last few days have been very very busy and race against time to get this delivered. Tough task, its good learning experience though.

i am now considerng serious return to the blog cos that kept me off the hook and the pressure. Keeps boosting my writing skills.  Still taking it post by post and day by day.

Was he insecure ?

He was happy. He was going to marry again. And she looked  good. They started slowly talking to each other. She wanted to speak to him every night before she went to sleep under her cosy quilt. They could not meet every day as they were time zones apart, but she had started feeling good about the upcoming big day.

He was hollow. He had loved somebody to core and had a painful heartbreak. He was wary, he was skeptical. He had doubts if ever he would be able to love her and would that be fair with her given no fault of hers.

He tried to talk the way every guy does with his girl, but he just could not. He was hollow and his wish to love had ended.  He just wanted to be happy like he was and wanted to be friendly with her before getting cosy.

Was he insecure ?

Was he insecure ?

He was happy. He was going to marry again. And she looked  good. They started slowly talking to each other. She wanted to speak to him every night before she went to sleep under her cosy quilt. They could not meet every day as they were time zones apart, but she had started feeling good about the upcoming big day.

He was hollow. He had loved somebody to core and had a painful heartbreak. He was wary, he was skeptical. He had doubts if ever he would be able to love her and would that be fair with her given no fault of hers.

He tried to talk the way every guy does with his girl, but he just could not. He was hollow and his wish to love had ended.  He just wanted to be happy like he was and wanted to be friendly with her before getting cosy.

Was he insecure ?

Sweet Pampering Talks : Save me

Ok its a double triple nelson post (222).  English are very orthodox about it. And a bit skeptical too.

For that matter, I am skeptical too. Of being carried away in relationship. For close to a month now, I have been very grounded and perhaps have written on the blog too.

Last 2 weeks or so, the things are hotting up. I dont want to get to that trap. Thats a sweet trap, but it suffocates.

I still aint able to come out of the night of 25th December 2005 when I was sweetly lured into a trap and it took me long long long time to come out of.

Relationship bloopers are the last thing I want this stage of my life.

All this days, I have talked mushy with her and later I have regretted. Its like cmon Sam how can you do this. You know you've been through hell when Akki thing ended. Still I do it.

I hate being carried away. I think I am quite a cool person which I am not. I harm myself.

Getting to know each other is fine and occasional leg pulling is fine, but mushy talks is not needed. No more.   When things go bad, this hurts.  I have been through hell and if I dont learn out of that, I would be known a fool.

Am I insecure ? Am I afraid ? Am I being too much thoughtful ? I feel the best thing here to do is to let things go on their own. And not force things and want her to speak what I want. Rather let her speak what she wants to. When she would feel fine reciprocating feelings, it would be fine with me.

Its quite complex. I need to back up a bit. I have to get to the feeling where any mushy talk from her or from my end wont carry me into being a fool or being lured to a trap.

I fear heartbreak. Its a nightmare for me. More than a dog bite, I fear for it. 

I mean no offence for her. She is nice sweet girl.  I might still end up loving her some time later, but right now I want to hold back myself so that i dont get hurt just in case. 

What do you suggest ? Am I making too big an issue out of it ?

Varied thoughts

My thoughts just started getting intense and the urge to write something is getting stronger. If that would result in a new blog, I dont know. So let me put something over here.

All the mushy talks in the relationship are like the steam which evaporate in the air when things turn bad. And if things turn bad, you feel hurt and question those mushy times how did  they turn nasty ?

Akki experience makes me very cautious and laidback.  So I keep taking steps back and keep myself holding back whenever i feel that I am being carried away in the flow of mushy stuff. One more heartbreak ? No please.

I was away over the Thanksgiving weekend to my best trip of life or rather best vacation. Been to the city of my dreams -- NYC, then DC, Philli and Baltimore.

5 cities, 3 days and 7 states. 

And obviously I did not carry laptop, so was not online. People asked me questions whats wrong with me ? I was like what the hell ? Cant I be away or m I not supposed to be ? I m forever online, but this trip was just awesome.

Now there have been some reasons why I havent had been updating my personal life out here in full details. Reason : fear of being hated and hate communities being formed against me on a social network site, I wont even know of.

Yeah Dubai and Russia bloggers do that or did that. And somehow they kept track of me, just like Victoria kept track of Bella.

Its the end of road almost for me in current organization. Not sure what I would do, stick in or go away. But some action needs to be taken soon.

I hope to return back to bloggerville soon with consistency. Till that time, if you want to, enjoy this spordiac posts.

Haffun and stay blessed.