Warning : A long post below....
With times people change, the relationships with them change and it doesnt matter if they are your best of friends of college days which are supposed to be life long. Yes they are still friends, but then the intensity is missing, the zeal is missing. Time and your life changes everything, the mode of life you live -- be it a very active social life or a reclusive life where you are happy being yourself or somebody who mixes with people, but actually is just trying to fill in the gap.....
I experienced the same thing in last 2 days when I met my old college friends and this was a get together supposed to happen in October 1st week (a post on old blog) in Hyderabad, but instead it happened in our home town. I am the least qualified of the 4 friends. I am a BE, my 2 other friends are MTechs from IITs and one of the other friend is a PhD from UDel, USA. 2 of them work with Microsoft, Hyderabad, the PhD dude works with a R&D firm and I work with XXX (you know it).
Conversation topics raged from the kids, the school fees, how tough it is to grow up a kid with the expenses today and stuff like that. Now I am not into kids business. For that sake I am not even married. I dont hve any idea of how to raise a kid and so no idea of how much donation a school charges for a nursery kid. I know of my 3 yr old nephew who is a geek and is a genius. Playing with him when he was in India was fun. He is the only kid who gells well with me. He came to me naturally, he played and giggled with me. Pottied and peed on me couple of times.... I love that kid....
I felt outsider in the group of 5 -- we 4 and wife of one of the friend say A who has also a kid. He was a sort of guy who was a shy and very laidback. He had a love marriage. He had the guts to walk up to the girl he had a crush on and propose her straight away. GOD can you believe it they dint even talk for 10 mins in entire college life. Girl accepted in 1st go and they were happily married.....Myself and A were project partners in labs and assignments. So naturally we were close friends too. In final year, we broke up our project partnership and I couldnt recover out of that shock and snub. Our relations were neevr the same again....
Now rest of the guys gigled, made fun, had a good time. I was quite laidback and unsure of what was happening. I am the sort of guy who would take all the initiatives in the world to keep the bond alive and today 's dinner out in Sayaji - city's finest hotel was my idea. This days i have become a kind of person who would love to have every detail worked out and stick to the schedule. Our married friend opted out of the dinner initially citing kid trouble. We had to leave by 630 PM, but in the end we could leave for Sayaji by 845 PM. Cos the wifey of the friend A had to feed the kid and we simply wasted our time.....At least mine time was wasted....
6 years back we could have laughed out on the things like this. I am again one of those persons who are targetted and made fun of iin good sense of course. Today those guys did the same. Had fun at my expense. Somewhere I felt hurt. Somewhere they confirmed with me that did i still work with Infy or did i switch to some other co ? That was ridiculous. I remember the minute details of their life and GOD, they dont even remember me or details of my life. Not done right. Again time changes you.....Career, priorities, kids, relationships change people. I kept speaking in naive sincere language, they spoke in ascented and animated English. I can do that too and very well than them.
Somehow I cease being myself when I want to be that at the max. I start speaking in farce regional language when I dont want to. May be nervous ness or whatever fucking habit this is...I couldnt think of being formal with my own friends. They say "thanks", " sorry","pardon" at drop of hat. I can do that too. I do that in my office, but then it takes away the soul of friendship..
After the dinner was over, we returned back home and while driving the lady (Wife of A) sat in the front seat near me making me 2000% uncomfortable. She had her kid in her lap who was hyper active...Her hubby and 2 other friends sat behind seat (rear). They wanted me to have coffee at their place and though i love the drink, i somehow ran away cos i wanted to be away from them....May be lack of family (spouse n all) or a successful relationship made me a bit cautious.....
With time people evolve and the framework of relationships change. I learnt it the hard way today. Perhaps for years now I might not get to meet A and his wife / son. But one thing would always rankle that they changed and alas they didnt think to give due importance to me....I was a dead duck in the party and very out of place. This days its too common with me. I find solace more with myself....I have become more of an American in attitude and life values...I hardly savior rituals or meeting relatives who bite back the back. I love my independence and my views on relationships and things i want of life are prety clear....How and why, that someday later.....
Would upload the snaps of diwali do and the party soon along with how i celebrated the day when i fulfilled my long time dream.....
With times people change, the relationships with them change and it doesnt matter if they are your best of friends of college days which are supposed to be life long. Yes they are still friends, but then the intensity is missing, the zeal is missing. Time and your life changes everything, the mode of life you live -- be it a very active social life or a reclusive life where you are happy being yourself or somebody who mixes with people, but actually is just trying to fill in the gap.....
I experienced the same thing in last 2 days when I met my old college friends and this was a get together supposed to happen in October 1st week (a post on old blog) in Hyderabad, but instead it happened in our home town. I am the least qualified of the 4 friends. I am a BE, my 2 other friends are MTechs from IITs and one of the other friend is a PhD from UDel, USA. 2 of them work with Microsoft, Hyderabad, the PhD dude works with a R&D firm and I work with XXX (you know it).
Conversation topics raged from the kids, the school fees, how tough it is to grow up a kid with the expenses today and stuff like that. Now I am not into kids business. For that sake I am not even married. I dont hve any idea of how to raise a kid and so no idea of how much donation a school charges for a nursery kid. I know of my 3 yr old nephew who is a geek and is a genius. Playing with him when he was in India was fun. He is the only kid who gells well with me. He came to me naturally, he played and giggled with me. Pottied and peed on me couple of times.... I love that kid....
I felt outsider in the group of 5 -- we 4 and wife of one of the friend say A who has also a kid. He was a sort of guy who was a shy and very laidback. He had a love marriage. He had the guts to walk up to the girl he had a crush on and propose her straight away. GOD can you believe it they dint even talk for 10 mins in entire college life. Girl accepted in 1st go and they were happily married.....Myself and A were project partners in labs and assignments. So naturally we were close friends too. In final year, we broke up our project partnership and I couldnt recover out of that shock and snub. Our relations were neevr the same again....
Now rest of the guys gigled, made fun, had a good time. I was quite laidback and unsure of what was happening. I am the sort of guy who would take all the initiatives in the world to keep the bond alive and today 's dinner out in Sayaji - city's finest hotel was my idea. This days i have become a kind of person who would love to have every detail worked out and stick to the schedule. Our married friend opted out of the dinner initially citing kid trouble. We had to leave by 630 PM, but in the end we could leave for Sayaji by 845 PM. Cos the wifey of the friend A had to feed the kid and we simply wasted our time.....At least mine time was wasted....
6 years back we could have laughed out on the things like this. I am again one of those persons who are targetted and made fun of iin good sense of course. Today those guys did the same. Had fun at my expense. Somewhere I felt hurt. Somewhere they confirmed with me that did i still work with Infy or did i switch to some other co ? That was ridiculous. I remember the minute details of their life and GOD, they dont even remember me or details of my life. Not done right. Again time changes you.....Career, priorities, kids, relationships change people. I kept speaking in naive sincere language, they spoke in ascented and animated English. I can do that too and very well than them.
Somehow I cease being myself when I want to be that at the max. I start speaking in farce regional language when I dont want to. May be nervous ness or whatever fucking habit this is...I couldnt think of being formal with my own friends. They say "thanks", " sorry","pardon" at drop of hat. I can do that too. I do that in my office, but then it takes away the soul of friendship..
After the dinner was over, we returned back home and while driving the lady (Wife of A) sat in the front seat near me making me 2000% uncomfortable. She had her kid in her lap who was hyper active...Her hubby and 2 other friends sat behind seat (rear). They wanted me to have coffee at their place and though i love the drink, i somehow ran away cos i wanted to be away from them....May be lack of family (spouse n all) or a successful relationship made me a bit cautious.....
With time people evolve and the framework of relationships change. I learnt it the hard way today. Perhaps for years now I might not get to meet A and his wife / son. But one thing would always rankle that they changed and alas they didnt think to give due importance to me....I was a dead duck in the party and very out of place. This days its too common with me. I find solace more with myself....I have become more of an American in attitude and life values...I hardly savior rituals or meeting relatives who bite back the back. I love my independence and my views on relationships and things i want of life are prety clear....How and why, that someday later.....
Would upload the snaps of diwali do and the party soon along with how i celebrated the day when i fulfilled my long time dream.....
7 comments:
hey tats true to heaven...very true i mean...
but who knows we wud also change wen we hav our own family etc etc..
u never know re..
:)
long but awesome words...kept me glued from beginning to end.
About the stuff in it, yes its heartbreaking to see how people could change when they get into relationships. I have seen that happen to me when i moved places:(
Ps- thnks a ton for the link,made my day, luv n hugs:)
I loved this post immensely and I can relate to it for sure.
I am simple paanipuri and bhelpuri person...no matter if I ever reach the zeniths I will stay the same ;) but recently I met my closest friend along with his wife at a very sophisticated restaurant and I was so damn suffocated with the fomal air there that I almost ran away frm there.
My friend n me used to chat always in punjabi in a bindaas informal manner abt almost everything under the sun...he was such a changed person that day that I felt so out of place... Funniest is THEY came to meet me but they ended up coochy-cooing with each other...
When they hugged me after the meeting, I was like,"Mujhey chodo...jaaney do..bahut hua...bas"...lol
I simply ran away in my car and ate only once I was back to my hotel. :)
Such people suprise me the most...
I agree one shud grow and mature but the core of a person remains the same and it should...if one day I lose that, I know I actually lose myself.
:)
Agreed everybody changes with time....but i guess wht matters is whether u change for the better or the worse :) Will waith for u to put up the diwali pics.
Pottied and peed on me couple of times.... I love that kid....
heheh i love ur nephew! he is cute....
soo sabse pehle we both r frm same place yeah..
u belong to dis place or u were here for studies n all..
nyways..dnt wry..its just a phase of life..go thru it.
yeh waqt bhi kat jayega.
tc
sam you have said it. ppl really have changed. no matter what the situation/matter is, the thing is they have forgot that we used to be one of their part of life. but who cares? life is still going on.
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