I dont know : Best answer I have

I might sound totally negative and given up case right now. But that’s how it is. Deep down in problems, more of external situations, few the way I reacted. But then what can you do when problems surmount you from every possible end. What do you do when you touch anything, any damn thing and it bursts out. How long you can say, ok I m gonna stay positive and not feel the pinch. I mean I don’t know how to react to this situation. The rut is setting in. Just not possible for me to arrest this rut. I mean I might shoo away the blog readers with this negativities, but then it’s the only medium where I can pour out my problems and troubles. It’s ridiculous. I don’t know where I erred. I am being the scapegoat and I can see the dark clouds gathering in. I can see the history repeat itself like last year same time.

I was helpless then, am helpless now. What followed was huge mess, but I don’t want to do that now. I don’t want a mess to set in now. All I want is a happy life. A happy cheerful life. Perhaps that’s a basic expectation. I don’t need huge villas for myself, I don’t need anything extravagant. I am sucker for small things that make me happy.

I don’t know. I am clueless. No answers. Where did I err. I don’t know. I am clueless for answers to the niggling questions troubling me. I have a life to live post work, post project and that’s just not happening. I don’t know whom to blame. May be myself cos when I had the choice to say NO, I didn’t say that time and now I cant back out. If I do I would be termed traitor. But then I don’t bother about the consequences. All I think about is me. I don’t know. I just don’t know. That’s the best answer I have.